My aunt's backyard has some history.

While I sat at a table with my Aunt Laura, she made an announcement:

"I have something to show you," she said.

She walked away and when she came back, she clutched a small, ornate and wooden box. She set it on the table gently.

"What is it?" I asked.

Slowly, she took the cover off the box to reveal its contents:

a finger.

"This is the finger of Shakespeare's father," she said. "I found it in the backyard!"

Then, I woke up.

- - - -

So. Weird. I had this dream last night.

Early morning dinner parties always get in the way.

Early on a Saturday morning, Sarah and I drove toward Orlando for a day trip to Universal's Islands of Adventure. On our way to the theme park, we stopped at a burly, red-bearded man's house. Though neither one of us knew him, he'd invited us to an early morning dinner party.

Upon our arrival, we sat around a table with him and his guests -- who included my mom -- none of whom particularly wanted to be there. After we ate, Sarah and I started for the door.

No such luck.

"Wait!" said actress Katherine Helmond. She picked up an out-of-tune guitar and performed an off-key song. When she finished, Sarah and I thought we were in the clear. We could finally go to the theme park.

"Wait!" said the burly, red-bearded man. "Can you help me?"

He turned to change the adult diaper of an adult dinner party guest.

"Sick! No way," I said.

Finally free to go, Sarah and I walked toward the front door.

"Wait!" my mom said. "We haven't done the dishes!"

I sighed. I turned toward the burly, red-bearded man.

"Do you need our help with the dishes?" I asked him, while shaking my head no in hopes he'd say no to appease me.

"Actually," he said. "I do."

So my mom, Sarah and I washed the dishes.

Then, I woke up.

- - - -

I had this dream last night. Sarah and I DID go to Islands of Adventure in real life today. But there were not, in fact, dinner parties or adult diapers.

I snooze, so I lose.

At a bar with shiny red stools and shiny white tables, somehow as sterile as a hospital, a man I'd just met asked me if I'd marry him.

He was in his 40s, and an eye doctor.

Though the proposal surprised me, I thought, "Why the heck not?" But before I could accept, Lisa Kudrow showed up, swooped in and shouted, "YES!"

Then, I woke up.

- - - -

I originally documented this dream upon waking up on July 20, 2010.

I have a cruel family...and cookies.

At home with my dad and my brother, I fell asleep in a recliner in the family room. When I woke up, I found that my dad and brother had tattooed an apple on my leg.

"Why on earth did you tattoo an apple on my leg without asking me first?" I shouted. "I didn't want an apple tattoo!"

I stormed into the kitchen, where I noticed a contraption on the counter. I immediately recognized it... as a cookie grill.

"This is new," I said.

"Yeah," said my brother. "I bought it at a garage sale."

Then I woke up.

- - - -

a. I originally documented this dream upon waking up on Feb. 11, 2009.

b. What the heck's a cookie grill?